Memory Office: L. Lazarskė

Lilija, who was born in Raseiniai and spent her early days there shares her memories. During her study years, semi-Jewish and semi-Lithuanian woman moved to Kaunas, where has been creating her life ever since until 2005, when emigrated to Israel.

I was always my father's favorite, I went to his work, and would be his little secretary. Dad Abram was the owner of the cooperative, had to maintain the whole area, villages, while I would accompany him everywhere – that‘s how I‘ve started writing early. People loved him very much, called him - Father. Everyone was like a second family to him; he would never let anyone hurt each other...

Mommy Aldona worked in the trades, that‘s where they‘ve met... Later, encouraged by father, she became a teacher. She was Lithuanian, and he was Jewish. Father rented a part of the house from Polish, that‘s where we have lived with four more families. All of them were extraordinary, only doctors. I remember they would listen to American radio all the time... There was no official holiday, they would watch my father vigilantly, because of his work. But we would light the Christmas tree, and Santa Clause would come secretly. My father was not a communist, so he had to be constantly checked. I was told to never be a part of any party, push myself to the limits to achieve something. I have achieved everything on my own, as my father taught me.

Parents got along well. Even now they are my role model. Mommy would come back home tired; she had worked a lot. She was a very good teacher, beloved one. Everyone wanted to get to my mother‘s [class], because in the fifth grade, it was already clear who had graduated and in which class. We‘ve started learning early. She was very strict with us but would never beat us. Father would never speak strictly, brawl, one gaze was enough for us to feel ashamed. Childhood, until I‘ve started school, was very good. It was harder at school... The town was small, only three Jewish families had lived there, everyone knew my father was a Jew. I remember getting pushed around, nicknamed - žydelka... I would never fight back, while my sister did, so she was never nicknamed. I was very sad when one of the girls I‘ve used to play puppets with kicked my belly and said - "Give my doll back, you, žydelka." Bullying went on during the primary school years. Later I was a very diligent student, a famous athlete. Back then I did not understand anything about the Jewish tragedy. It was only later, when my father explained everything, showed his photos, told about the war, we have started visiting the graves. People from Kaunas used to come as well. They spoke Jewish language and looked differently; I remember them singing such beautiful songs. I was too small; I didn't understand why my father had no grandparents. We were very childish, didn't question such things.

When I‘ve started to understand, I‘ve started questioning a lot. At first, they had showed photos. Told me about the war. Together, we went visiting the graves, the places where they were shooting. Not a single stone could be found there, my father just knew where‘s that place. In the seventh grade, he told us his story about how he had escaped the pit, while his sister and family got killed. He was totally alone, hiding in the woods for three years. He was about 25 years old. Savickai of Saugaliai village helped him a lot. Very kind people, my dad used to drop by for food there. But it didn't last long, someone had reported. They had lived underground, in the woods, in the gardens... Finally, when the war ended, he was taken as a woodman and brought to Comica, to the mines. Three years later he came back to Raseiniai.

When I came to study in Kaunas, I‘ve lived with my cousin. We have been interacting with Jews only, would met up for conversations, celebrated Ney Year, didn‘t drinking alcohol at all... With friends, we have used to go to Tulpė, Metropolis, Orbit [at that time famous bars & restaurants in Kaunas]. In the Baltic hotel‘s restaurant Vilija we would celebrate Jewish weddings. It used to gather almost 100 guests (even more in Israel), we have used to dance till the morning ...

I had to change my name in Kaunas, from Lazarskaitė I became Lazauskaitė. The daughter of Romas, but not Abram's daughter. Teachers had a different attitude towards Jews, they had to learn more than Lithuanians, ignored them... I think that‘s why most of them left for Israel. Being a semi-Jew - I have felt that as well. My parents have been thinking about emigration for a long time, but they wanted me to graduate first. When I‘ve changed my father's name, everything has changed, life became great. Later, I got a job at “Liteksas “, the largest textile company in Kaunas at that time. I‘ve fallen in love with a Lithuanian... Mom was against the wedding, while father was very tolerant. He said, that if it‘s meant to be - then we will stay and live here...

I miss my Daddy a lot. His peace, strength, kindness, love and endless concern for us... 

I‘ve left to Israel 13 years ago, around 2005, though Lithuania had remained much closer to me. Within the family we do not speak Hebrew. Until this day, me and my husband with relatives would only speak Lithuanian. Only people had changed... While nationality was never important to me. During the first year I wasn't scared at all, I didn't see this war where everyone would sit in the bunkers... All newer houses have bunkers. It is a room built of ferroconcrete, designed to safely hide against the missiles... After all, missiles can ruin the whole house, while this room with a family - remains indissoluble... Houses of an older construction have bombshells installed, which are supposed to ensure the safety of the residents. And here, the residents of the entire house would gather... Usually, messages come through a phone, if a missile has been fired... It‘s already in their blood, they are afraid... While I am not familiar with war, as I grew up in a safe place...

When I come to Kaunas - I forget everything. When restoration of Laisvės Alėja [Freedom Avenue] is done, the whole world will be able to admire it. There is no such avenue in a whole wide world. I am walking from Sobor through "Laisvė" - and I am so content... It‘s the city of my youth, I love Kaunas, all the places are immeasurably precious.

I am happy to call myself a Jew of Lithuania. I‘m always happy to come back here, even though, now - I feel like a citizen of the world...

Date of the interview: 2018-10-19